My Three Year Old Uses Fluoridated Toothpaste

My three year old uses toothpaste with fluoride in it. I can almost hear the collective gasp of the Internet. And I am sure someone will tell me when he is older and struggles with dangling participles and passive voice, J's struggles are because I used fluoridated toothpaste. (And not the fact the English language is just plain evil.)

 I don't know about you, but I find myself doubting my parenting skills more with boy #3 than I ever did with boy #1. The weight of the mommy guilt has become incredible! J has some funky front teeth that have been impossible to keep healthy without fluoride and have you seen what the Internet has to say about fluoride???  And Facebook advertisements have not been helpful. It seems daily some new article on "how you immunized child will have a slew of health problems and a horrible life" keeps finding it's way into my feed. The current major outcomes of immunizations are ear infections and tonsillitis. Dandy! The fact that J has had three bouts of tonsillitis this year is now my fault. I have RUINED my son's life (add appropriate dramatics).

We all experience mommy guilt at some point and time (unless you are just super mom).  It has been an ongoing journey for me and here are some of the things I have learned.

1) Combat mommy guilt with the Truth. Mommy guilt is usually propagated by a false assumption. Take J's tonsil issue. According to the articles, he has tonsillitis because he received immunizations. The thing is, if I was being rational, I would realize that his issue is genetics not an
over or under performing immune system. My older two have had the same immunizations if not more than J but never had a case of tonsillitis. They did, however, have ear tubes placed at a very young age, before most of their immunizations because... guess what I have horrid ears. As did my mom... The fact is my family regularly pays for our ENT's vacation. We just have lousy ears, sinuses, exc.

 Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

2) Fight back and let it GO. Take a hold of your mommy guilt and recognize it for what it is, an attack to paralyze you with worry and fear. If I worry about how every decision I ever made, might effect my kiddos, I will dwell in the past and miss the present. Not to mention get zero sleep!

 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds; casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

We are commanded to "cast down imaginations", and that is what mommy guilt is. We think we know what might have effected our child or that pivotal moment our child's destiny changed. Do not live in the past, you cannot know, you are not God. So, let it GO.

3) Put the mouse down! I actually have had to stop researching things on the Internet and I make sure to not click on the articles that pop up in my feed. These articles are not edifying and do not help. Researching so you make the best informed decision is great but when you start feeling the weight of guilt mounting, hit the X and get out!  Also, realize that the Internet has an agenda. No matter how noble they say they are, they have an agenda, make sure it is one you agree with.

I also wanted to mention while we are here, think about it before you post an article to your feed. I know it is a free country but let's practice a little kindness and sensitivity. Sharing an article that says that high fructose corn syrup causes infertility (I totally made this fact up, though I am sure there is an article that says this somewhere on the Internet!) when you have friends who are struggling to conceive is at the very least unkind. If you want an article for your own reference, just change the privacy settings. Don't be the one who heaps guilt on another mom.

4) Forgive yourself. Between J's teeth and his hips, there is a good chance the decisions, I (we) made before his birth, effected him. Can we say for sure, no... but three CT scans in 24 hours and a bunch of heart meds sure increase the likelihood. I REALLY struggled with this, to the point I was hyper-aware of J's every slight health issue, and THEY WERE ALL MY FAULT. I had worked through the verses I mentioned before, but it didn't help the fact because it was my fault.

And then a very wise woman (my Mom, if  you haven't guessed) told me to forgive myself. Those were such powerful words. She pointed out to me all the poor mothers who have lived through the advances of science in the last century. Can you imagine the guilt of finding out years later that if you had simply boiled the water, your children would be with you today? Forgive yourself. You did the best your could at the moment with the information and circumstances you had.

• Did you not do delayed cord clamping and now your child has X...forgive yourself
• Did you let your baby watch baby Einstein and now your child has X...forgive yourself
• Were you unable to breastfeed and now your child has X...forgive yourself 
• Did you feed your baby formula and now your child has X... forgive yourself
• Did you have an epidural and now your child has X...forgive yourself
• Did your five year old see Jurassic Park and now won't sleep... forgive your husband
• Did you immunize and now your child has X... forgive yourself
• Did you not immunize and now your child has X...forgive yourself

But realize, with the exception of Jurassic Park, none of these are your FAULT! Sin has broken the world and things happen. Put the mommy guilt down and be a mommy! This journey is incredibly hard, don't carry burdens that are not yours to carry. All you can do is your best. It is a lot easier to do your best when you are thriving in the present versus dwelling in the past.

Also, as fellow moms, let us extend grace and sensitivity to our comrades. Almost all of the time, we do not know the whole circumstance, and casting judgment will not help or be edifying. And yes, "helpful" articles can be perceived as judgment. Be kind...

I hope this helps...I have wanted to write this blog for awhile, and it is an ongoing struggle on this side of the computer screen. I will be praying for you! We got this...maybe... ;)