But Lord, that's not what I had pictured...

Summer is almost over, well at least summer vacation. We start school in less than two weeks and quite honestly I am procrastinating. I should be finalizing lesson plans. Honestly, I am like half-way but finalizing counts for 49% and below, right...But I have to admit I am a little distracted.

This summer my BFF, aka my Mom and I have been going through Priscilla Shirer's Bible Study, Gideon. Week 4, Day 2 had us looking at Gideon's gift, the meal he gave to the Angel of the Lord. In the study she points out the four steps Gideon takes, and we all should take, when giving something to the Lord. The four steps are: 1. Prepare it. 2. Present it. 3. Put it down. 4. Pour it out. 
Priscilla goes on to emphasize the amount of time Gideon would have taken to prepare a meal (fresh goat!!!) only to have the Angel of the Lord tell him to pour it out on a rock. All that hard work and it wasn't even it eaten! True, through the beauty of hindsight we can see that God accepted the gift, just not the way Gideon expect.

So, the idea of investing time and energy into a gift presented to God only to have it used in a way that is not what I would have pictured, let alone chosen, has been ruminating in my mind all week. See, I have been struggling with the idea of the children of believers having a hard time. As Christians we invest so much into our kids and with all the information that is available through the medical community we take every precaution to insure our kiddos will be incredible men or women for God. We dedicate to the Lord, we take them to church have so other saints can invest in and encourage them. We read them Bible stories every night and teach them to pray.  We give these precious bundles to the Lord, knowing that they were His in the first place. And then we start to see the struggles in their path. The frustration of not being understood because of a speech impediment. The look of defeat when  their little legs that won't carry them as far or as fast as other little kids. When tripping and falling on the sidewalk becomes such a common occurrence they no longer cry. And my heartache is nothing like some parents. And you like me, might you find yourself saying "But Lord that's not how I dreamed of You using my child, my gift to You."

Part of me wonders if I did something wrong...I am like the religious leaders in John, wondering who sinned, me or my hubby. Could I have done something differently...tried harder, eaten differently, exercised more... And then I hear God's calming voice, that this is did not surprise Him, this is not a punishment, and He will use it for His glory. I am coming to the realization that sometimes He uses what we give in a way that is unexpected but is more beautiful than we can ever imagine.

People talk about how God is creating a tapestry and how each of us are part of  a larger story, a bigger picture. I love this analogy. Crocheting is currently my stress-reliever and while I don't make tapestries, I do make shawls and blankets. A simple stitch makes a functional blanket, but it is not overly beautiful. The more complicated the pattern, the more that is required from the yarn. In fact,

lacy patterns require the yarn to be dampened and stretched, forcing the fibers to become something new. I want my kiddos to be part of the beautiful story that God is creating, but in order to do that I need to invest time to prepare them, lead them to Lord, let go and watch what the Lord does.

Lord, give me the strength as You work in the lives of these precious gifts I have given back to You.

And the Angel of the God said to him,"Take the meat and the unleavened bread and lay them on the rock, and pour out the broth." And he did so. Then the Angel of the Lord put out the end of the staff taht was in His hand, and touched the meat and the unleavened bread; and fire rose out of the rock and consumed the meat and the unleavened bread...

 Judges 6:20-21