You and I are not alone

Recently I have really struggled with troubling thoughts as I am falling asleep. I have heard people call such disturbances "thought bombs", but as much havoc as these thoughts were having on my sleep, they were more like nuclear blasts! These thoughts would strike just as I was falling asleep, and usually involved someone I loved or myself being maimed, kidnapped, chased by a burglar, or even killed. Most of the time the situations were ludicrous, but sometimes they were way to close to reality. The worse part was as I tried to force my groggy self to not to continue a particular thought, my mind would rewind it, and then replay the sequence only the situation would be worse then before.

I really felt like I was being spiritually attacked, and I continued to struggle despite praying for these thoughts to go away. It helped if I woke Anthony and he prayed for me, but after a time you really hate to wake someone because you can't stop thinking they died from strychnine poisoning. Not to mention people start worrying if you keep "doing them in" in your dreams.

Unfortunately, I started listening to the small voice inside my head that these dreams or thoughts were my fault. There was something wrong with me, or I had done something wrong. So, not only could I not sleep well, but now my waking hours were plagued with thoughts of what I had done wrong to cause the attacks. Was I not studying in the Word enough (I don't know about you but I feel I could always do more)? Was I not praying or serving enough? Or worse was something physically wrong with me, was I going off the proverbial deep end? I felt shame for something I could not control and yet I thought I was responsible for. Quite honestly, I was overwhelmed.

Not quite sure what else to do, I finally admitted to someone my struggle with these thoughts. This dear, wise friend (who also happens to be my mother) listened and then told me I was not alone. She had know many women to struggle with these types of attacks, especially after allot of stress. Looking over the last two years of my life, I have had more than a little stress, most of it wonderful but stress none the less. We then talked about using praise songs and Scripture to combat these thoughts. However, I knew at that moment I had won, because the guilt and shame were gone.

 One of the biggest lies we can grab a hold of is that we are alone.  Satan loves to make us feel that we are alone in our struggles or shame us into seclusion. In our busy lives we rarely stop to develop the relationships with people to the point that we can be honest and open about our struggles. So, we run around believing and holding onto the lie that we are the only one to think or feel this way. The first chapter of Ecclesiastes describes how there is nothing new under the sun and what we see today occurred before. The same is true with the attacks Satan uses against believers. While it might be dressed a little differently, there is nothing new, it has happen to someone before. There is incredible release and relief in knowing you are not alone in a struggle.

So, dear sister or brother, remember you are not alone and let go of the lie.