Balance

Last evening I felt a little overwhelmed as I was trying to make dinner, feed Elijah his bottle, and watch a "helpful" toddler. Noah decided he was mommy's little helper last evening and after finding my water glass on the table, he carried the glass over to the sink and pitch it in. Not only did the glass not break, but my child managed to get it in the sink! After I could breath again, he beamed at me and shouted "Welcome!" then trotted off to play with his trains.  Yes, thank you Noah, I think.

My twenty minutes of chaos last evening brought me to realize that my life has become one enormous balancing act. I have a two little boys, a husband, and a house who all have legitimate demands on my time. But then I am also a daughter, sister, and friend. And then there is me, occasionally I would like a little time for me! So, the question is how do I manage my time wisely between all of these good things. How do I choose what is best, as it changes with time and situation?

Obviously, God has the first demand on my time, but I am wondering on managing two boys, a hubby, and a rather large house with white tile floors (Never install white tile floors, trust me, pick dirt brown!) Right now I am randomly winging it with a lot of prayer and so far we have not starved, the laundry is caught up, and Noah counts one, two, three, "frive", six. Oh, and I have finished another blanket.

For Noah and Elijah's second-cousin

So, how do you balance it all? Any ideas?

How Herbert the Snail Made Me Stop and Think.

Have you noticed how "busy" children's music has become? I guess when I stop to think about it, most of the music, Christian or non, coming out today is more convoluted and well, busy. Now I am not talking about the message, though the message of some songs today are just foul, but I am talking about the rhythm/beat and number and type of instruments.

Recently I was looking for some new children's music CD's to play in Noah's room and when we are in the car. Having grown up in a large family, sometimes to the quiet can be like "nails on a chalkboard", so I play music to cut the silence. Noah now asks for a "CeeDee" when he is in his room or the car. Did you know that listening to the same CD fifty times is worse than silence? It is! Anyhow, the last time we were at Mardel's I found copies of  "The Music Machine" and "Bullfrogs and Butterflies" (Noah's new favorite). The first time I played "The Music Machine" I had flashbacks of the 80's and many happy childhood memories. The thing that kind of surprised me was how simple the songs were. Most songs have one vocal, and often one instrument, usually an acoustic guitar or piano. I need to confess that the first time I listened to the songs again, I actually found some of them insipidly slow,(just being honest) but Noah loved them. The more I thought about the slow songs, the more I was not sure I liked my initial reaction, which by the way has changed. I find them slow, but cute now.

As I was thinking about how music for kids has changed and I realized pretty much all music has gone down this road. The popular music of the 80's and 90's is now considered easy listening and is piped through the stores. We never sing the slower choruses that were song so often in church. I mean, when was the last time you heard a Keith Green song in church? Or better yet a hymn? We don't sing them because the songs are "outdated", to slow, or dare we say it "boring". As the world has changed the style of their music, we have marched right behind them, demanding the same style and cadence. I think we may have become the frog in the pot of water, slowly being boiled to death. Not that all songs today are bad, just I think we should just be aware of where we are going and realize that old is not bad. The message is more important than a modern melody.

Anyway enough rambling, here is a fun little song from "The Music Machine" so you can have a fun song playing through your head all day too!

Mommy Guilt

I have noticed that the combination of decreased sleep and post-baby hormones has made me a rather unusual thinker. Some may argue that I have always had a peculiar point of view, but right now it is a little odder than normal. Perhaps, a better way to phrase it, is I have found myself having a harder time identifying and shaking erroneous ideas. For example: earlier this week I noticed that Noah had some bug bites that had whelped up along his pants waistband. They looked so itchy and I felt bad for the little tyke. Anthony asked me what I was upset about and I said that I was upset with myself for not preventing Noah's mosquito bites. What!? Yes, for some reason I thought I should be able to keep those little black pests away from my toddler.  Give that girl a failing grade in "Bug Prevention 101"!

While the idea that I should have prevented Noah's bug bites seems ludicrous now, it is evidence of a bigger parent struggle, namely "Mommy Guilt". Mommy Guilt is that dangerous path we go down when something bad or particularly hard happens to the little treasures in our care.  It is an overwhelming, all-consuming feeling that we could have prevented a trial our child is experiencing if we had just done "_________" differently.

Mommy Guilt is built off of a lie, a belief that we as parents can control the uncontrollable. People around us try and point out the weakness in our warped logic, but sometimes that is more easily said than done. Or worse people and/or the media feed our guilt, like we needed any help! I remember a mother when I worked in diabetes education who was overwhelmed by Mommy Guilt. Her 8 year old son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and she was sure she could have prevented it. She kept saying that maybe if she had breastfeed him till he was 5 instead weaning at 3, he would not have gotten diabetes. It took quite a bit of talking and prayer for her to be able to overcome and defeat the guilt over an autoimmune disorder that she had no control over.

So, here are a few of my ruminations about Mommy Guilt. (I have been mentally chewing this cud all week!)

First, God is in control and has a plan for our son or daughter.While we know this intellectually, seeing God mold and shape our child can be confusing and painful through our finite vision. So, while having a new baby brother is hard on Noah, God choose this for this time in Noah's life.  I wish I could take credit for this insight, because I found it the most freeing, but they are the words of wisdom from my Mom.

Following onto this idea is the realization that God loves my child more than I do, even though that seems impossible. (How incredibly deep His love must be!) God then took this person He loved and made/choose me to be his parent! If God choose me, why do I doubt His calling?

Next, we live in a fallen world. No matter how hard we try to protect our kids, the fact remains that the world is broken, and has been since the time of Adam and Eve. Our bodies, while a perfect creation, have been damaged by sin.  And the last time I checked, I can't stop the effects of a fallen world.

Lastly, I have to let go and realize that I cannot know everything. I am sure there where many devastated mothers when people found out that typhoid and cholera could be largely prevented by boiling drinking water. Inevitably, a scientific discovery will be made showing us a better way of doing things, or how to prevent some disease. We can only work with what we know. So if Noah has trouble understanding what the hypotenuse of a triangle is ten years from now, it is not because I sprayed the backyard for mosquitoes when he was almost two. (I had this idea float through my head as I debated how to prevent future mosquito bites.) He maybe having trouble because the teacher silently agrees with the sentiment of who really cares what the hypotenuse is, and the blue car will get to point B when ever it gets there! But I digress...

Ultimately, when it comes to Mommy Guilt, I have to let go of the future of my two little boys and trust my loving, Heavenly Father. Anything else is a lie and unhealthy for me and my family.

Teaching Noah to Pray

There is a long list of things I never really thought about before being a parent. One was all the things you (and your spouse) are responsible for teaching your little child. Kids amazingly do not on their own learn to say please and thank you (at least not mine), though they figure out how to say "mine" and how to make mud without any trouble. It is an incredibly daunting responsibility when you realize that God has given you His child to love and instruct.

SO, with this weighty thought on my mind I have been thinking about how you teach a child to pray. Every night after his evening bottle, Anthony and/or I pray with Noah, which amounts to us praying and Noah saying "Amen" with us at the end. What I wonder is if using a "memorized" prayer while he is young will help Noah better understand what we are doing when we pray?

Part of what started this direction of thought was Boz.  For those who don't know Boz, Boz is a Christian cartoon series about a big green bear that is slightly reminiscent of Barney. They are cute little episodes about a set of twins, Drew and Gracie, and Noah is in love with them. I have been noticing that whenever Drew and Gracie pray, he bows his head with them and occasionally repeats a few of the words. Drew and Gracie have a little prayer that starts off the same but the end is open for you to add specifics for the day. The prayer goes like this:

Thank you God as this day ends
For my family and my friends
Taking time to sit and pray
Thank you God for this great day
(Then add specifics for the day such as for someone to get better,
or thank you for grandparents, or sorry for something done wrong)
Amen.

Before Noah started "praying" with Drew and Gracie, I did not think he was old enough to memorize something. He is growing up sooooo fast! The question is do Anthony and I teach Noah something like this to start learning to pray or continue by example with the open style that we have been using. I can see the benefit of structure but also do not want to get caught in Noah thinking there is a "certain" prayer he is suppose to say or saying a prayer that is theologically wrong or weak.

Thoughts?

Some Days It's Not Easy Being Big

Today has just not been Noah's day. Despite playing outside and going to get a doughnut, the life of a 22 month old is rough. Today was actually the culmination (at least I hope so!) of a journey Noah has been traveling over the last week or so since Anthony went back to work. We have been slowly working on building some patience, but it does not seem to come any easier for a toddler than it does an adult. And unfortunately, while "please" is a magic word, it does not mean instant gratification. So, no Boz cartoons upon demand, and no sitting in Mom's lap to read a book while she is feeding your little brother. In case you did not know, those two things are devastating to a toddler.

In my struggles with Noah today (I admit to shedding a few sad tears for him, he sounded soooo sad and I am still a little emotional), I am reminded of a post from my sister's blog a couple weeks ago. In the post she talked about how the easy way is not always the best for our kids, or as she more eloquently said, "Every parent knows/learns that what is BEST for your child is not always the easiest. It's easy to give them what they want instead of what they need or what is in their best interest."  It was easy as a nurse for me to do what was best for my patient, but as a parent I sometimes find it hard not to want to give in when things are hard. I hope to remember that the goal is to raise a young man who will love the Lord and minister to others with a gentle and willing heart, and like anything worth doing it takes hard work.

But some days it is not easy being big, for either one of us.

Actually Trying Something I "Pinned"

Today I tried something new with Noah. We made play-doh, and not just any ordinary kind of play-doh. We made purple play-doh that smells like a grape "scratch and sniff" sticker. It was the second time I actually tried an idea that I "pinned" on Pinterest, and it was as easy as the author said it would be. Just be careful you do not get distracted and scorch or burn it. My purple dough almost burnt and the scorched smell was less than desireable. I was really pleased with the results, espcially because it made more dough than I anticipated.

So after Noah's nap I cleared the kitchen table and prepared to introduce my toddler to the wonderful world of squishiness. The only problem is I did not realize that Noah does not like things to squish between his fingers. So, I got to create balls and "snakes" with play-doh that reminded me of grape bubblicious gum, while Noah comminated. Perhaps I will make another color tomorrow in order to entice him to join me...maybe blue rasberry?

If you are wondering how to make scented, colored play-doh, here is the link: http://www.playdoughrecipe.org/playdough-recipes/jello-playdough-recipe/