Mommy Guilt

I have noticed that the combination of decreased sleep and post-baby hormones has made me a rather unusual thinker. Some may argue that I have always had a peculiar point of view, but right now it is a little odder than normal. Perhaps, a better way to phrase it, is I have found myself having a harder time identifying and shaking erroneous ideas. For example: earlier this week I noticed that Noah had some bug bites that had whelped up along his pants waistband. They looked so itchy and I felt bad for the little tyke. Anthony asked me what I was upset about and I said that I was upset with myself for not preventing Noah's mosquito bites. What!? Yes, for some reason I thought I should be able to keep those little black pests away from my toddler.  Give that girl a failing grade in "Bug Prevention 101"!

While the idea that I should have prevented Noah's bug bites seems ludicrous now, it is evidence of a bigger parent struggle, namely "Mommy Guilt". Mommy Guilt is that dangerous path we go down when something bad or particularly hard happens to the little treasures in our care.  It is an overwhelming, all-consuming feeling that we could have prevented a trial our child is experiencing if we had just done "_________" differently.

Mommy Guilt is built off of a lie, a belief that we as parents can control the uncontrollable. People around us try and point out the weakness in our warped logic, but sometimes that is more easily said than done. Or worse people and/or the media feed our guilt, like we needed any help! I remember a mother when I worked in diabetes education who was overwhelmed by Mommy Guilt. Her 8 year old son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and she was sure she could have prevented it. She kept saying that maybe if she had breastfeed him till he was 5 instead weaning at 3, he would not have gotten diabetes. It took quite a bit of talking and prayer for her to be able to overcome and defeat the guilt over an autoimmune disorder that she had no control over.

So, here are a few of my ruminations about Mommy Guilt. (I have been mentally chewing this cud all week!)

First, God is in control and has a plan for our son or daughter.While we know this intellectually, seeing God mold and shape our child can be confusing and painful through our finite vision. So, while having a new baby brother is hard on Noah, God choose this for this time in Noah's life.  I wish I could take credit for this insight, because I found it the most freeing, but they are the words of wisdom from my Mom.

Following onto this idea is the realization that God loves my child more than I do, even though that seems impossible. (How incredibly deep His love must be!) God then took this person He loved and made/choose me to be his parent! If God choose me, why do I doubt His calling?

Next, we live in a fallen world. No matter how hard we try to protect our kids, the fact remains that the world is broken, and has been since the time of Adam and Eve. Our bodies, while a perfect creation, have been damaged by sin.  And the last time I checked, I can't stop the effects of a fallen world.

Lastly, I have to let go and realize that I cannot know everything. I am sure there where many devastated mothers when people found out that typhoid and cholera could be largely prevented by boiling drinking water. Inevitably, a scientific discovery will be made showing us a better way of doing things, or how to prevent some disease. We can only work with what we know. So if Noah has trouble understanding what the hypotenuse of a triangle is ten years from now, it is not because I sprayed the backyard for mosquitoes when he was almost two. (I had this idea float through my head as I debated how to prevent future mosquito bites.) He maybe having trouble because the teacher silently agrees with the sentiment of who really cares what the hypotenuse is, and the blue car will get to point B when ever it gets there! But I digress...

Ultimately, when it comes to Mommy Guilt, I have to let go of the future of my two little boys and trust my loving, Heavenly Father. Anything else is a lie and unhealthy for me and my family.